I choose ‘the other’ book 🧠

نميدونم اين احساس كه تا به كسى اجازه ندم من‌و ببينه، نميبينه خوش‌آينده يا تلخ. نميدونم از اين همه پارادوكس درون و بيرون‌م خوش‌ام مياد يا نه؛ اينى كه من و دلايل رفتارم متفاوتی‌ایم یه حسی داره؛ مثل اين ميمونه كه من متعلق به هيچ شهرى نيستم.
بسته به روزش اين ويژگى ميتونه خوب باشه يا بد.

خب طبيعتن مهم‌م نيست؛ گذاشت‌م كنار. اين حرفاى فيلسوفانه رو ميگم. احساسات عمیقو ميگم. اينا فرعيات‌ه. نه فرعیات‌م حتا نیس؛ هیچی نیس.

اصلِ کاری‌هام‌ يادم نره. من‌و یادم نره. 

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Rasht, City of Uncertain People                                                               

This title has been floating in my mind from the 1st time I met it. And now that it’s officially being a year since I moved to Rasht, I feel like I’m having enough memories and belongings to dedicate some time to talk about this lovely city.

My first impression toward Rasht which caught my interest was its people. They walked uncertainly. They were looking into my eyes uncertain. What was that about? Why are they unsure? Do I see myself in them? Am I the doubtful one?

These were all around my mind all year long! I see me as one of them now. We are on the same team. And finally, I could answer my own questions; yes, Rasht is the city of uncertain people.

This could be assessed by different aspects such as this community’s outcome which has made them work hard for a middle classed life; or it’s geographical zone which has caused it to be somewhere with less governmental attention; or it’s history of training heroes. Or the religious view which makes this city the least religious one in Iran. But these are not what I am here to talk about. I’m here to talk about my personal experience of the city I’ve come to love; I believe Rasht is an uncertain city, because it cares. Come and visit; you’ll meet lots and lots of persons willing to help just for the sake of helping. You will come by greengrocers who smile and don’t just sell fresh green vegetables; they give you some good feelings to take home with you. They do. I met taxi drivers who cared about me as a person; as a human. I met needy populate who would give a hand to the other person with urgent need of support. These people care. This is what makes it different.

Being unsure, walking down the street doubting yourself, questing is not a bad thing. Learn to like this state of mind; I have and this makes me extremely happy. I am unsure of me, my place in the universe and everything but this doesn’t bother me; it only pushes. Rasht has pushed me forward; taught me to be and to live erratic.

Life, Nature and we are instinctively ambiguous. We get born not knowing why; we die without a clear answer. What is in between?

I am not going to live a one dimensional life; I’m not fighting with the Mother Nature anymore. #OntheWayofHarmony

 

 

 

 

Thank You, Rasht.

 

 

 

 

1st Step

The first step is to get rid of needs that u need and everyone else does, as well as u.

specifically, I’m talking about the need of communication here;

Take this 1st step and the 2nd is easy; it’s enjoying the feeling of freedom and that space given to u to think about the important not the ordinary. enjoying the chance u’ve given to u for making urself useful for u.

 

 

We Are Simple

Well, hellow!

I really wanted to write; these days notes are not as efficient as before; I used to write me as notes and I’ve become me because I did that in a quite long period of time, I suppose. Of course there were and there are other significant factors, too but it was 1 of the majors.

anyways!

I am here bcos I now know sth which is worth my time to spend on and think of  and write about and … :)))

+Things that I discover myself about me or other things r extremely pleasant.

This time I found out how simple we are. I think about the complexity of the brain for like 23/6! but this time everything gather together to show me this;

Follow some clean rules, the brain will do as u want and need it to do.

Well, to do that, I need to know those things ”and” do them with a perfect timing. which both might seem simple but believe me it’s not.

needed ingredient; 1st starting from small steps(2);

(1)being smart enough to know thyself; then (2)put the plans in a perfect time, repeatedly!

What on the Earth does that even mean?

It means no matter how marsian I think the brain and my brain is; and how capable we r, it is still made of some materials which need some certain things. it’s not jus food. It is giving space to it, entertaining it, letting it to be stupid,creative, angry,sexy, happy, sad, … Caring! Caring about it and love and so on.

Right questions have usually led to the right answers. So I now know right questions; it is sth to celebrate.

I’m gonna know me better from this week on;

I’m going to work harder;

And I’ll be more creative to entertain my brain.

 

My 1st official clinical trial using my own brain! 😀

 

 

 

 

 

 

Catalyst

Anna Nalick’s Catalyst is playing; window is open and it’s cold; I’m drinking a hot cup of tea and I notice my hands; I don’t feel as blue as before and this feeling is fading away. I have beautiful hands that I am in luv with them. I have lots of organs.

funny ha? not for me; it is as serious as it could be. I luv that I’ve got organs and they try so hard everyday to make sure I’m okay and I have a good day; days toward wht I have planned for.

I stop right here in this point of time and space and Thank every single cell of me.

A Multiple Thinker-Doer

{ About the title; it’s a positive point of not being a native. I can make mistakes and I can create words n phrases!! and sometimes they seem to be correct.}

Anyways this blogging thing seems to be really time consuming and recording memos or writing notes is faster n I like faster; but I have learned to like changes, too n I love to make changes to me.

-No more talking; say what u wanna say n jus leave.

:))) OK!

Multiple! I need to be able to do multiple and it’s jus not what I’m good at right now. I pushed me to be focus on jus one thing and act like a microorgan in a cell; I should have chosen the core; I’ve done mitochondria and I could be considered a good one but it’s not enough anymore; I gotta take the responsibility of the nucleus! I am the core of my life; how can I not know how to transcript and lead my life? I am 21 and it means I’m officially an adult in control of my life.

I have 24 hrs each day to be me and to do more in jus this frame.

I am thinking of the chimpanzees which take them 10 yrs to learn how to use a stone for breaking a walnut n eat it!!

I feel exactly like that.

I have billions of neurons; I must use them. I already have what it takes to be me n the only distance is action.

-instead of “thinking” of a solution or nagging jus go n “Do”, chimpoo!!!

alright! That’s right! :)))

Happiness

Today, I am happy and I feel different; differently happy.

I am older and wiser and kinder; I now know things that can make my life easier. Today, I figured out I’ve grown. Being a grown-up is supposed to be bad n scary but I managed to make it like this. None of those hard days and breathless moments went for nothing. my tree has come outta the soil to see the sun; jus as promised dada and it’s not about the sun or mama-dada anymore. it’s all about the lil seedling.

2

Two simple frame is all I needed; I’ve got them.

The more the brain knows about itself, the better it works to get what the boss planned  for it to achieve.

I read Dr. Michio Kaku’s book, The Future of The Mind; I learned y we go on streaks; bad or good ones; the truth is that each experience is a new one but what info we already have in our brains, shapes a prediction; it’s not gonna necessarily happen so each time it’s ur action determining the results; it might seem simple at 1st glance, but it rewired my brain. 🙂

2

the other difference here in my brain, in my world, is I had yrs behind today. yrs of hard and bittersweet moments; moments of being ashamed or depressed; times standing in an edge. I didnt give up; even if it seemed I did, deep inside I was dynamic and I was alive; I had those yrs. They r my lovely precious yrs.

I havent been this happy for such a long time; and that feeling of smiling while I was looking at the ordinary way back home, is so sweet; it is hard “but” it is worth fighting for.

there r other things for sure; but none matters as much as above; those 2 r gonna be my twos! I will remember them.

So jus go and listen to a beautiful song written from the depth of sb’s mind; sth alive and then go have a plan which contains an accurate schedule; a long term one. be smart and hard worker; it’s gonna be alright. Believe me when I say that. 🙂

Blind Pilot’s We Are The Tide; Or try Love Myself of Hailee Steinfeld; Or 2NE1’s I AM THE BEST feels good or sth else; anything alive. We r alive and that’s so damn amazing! at least I feel like this! not jus now but even whn I’m down.

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It’s fabulous how much change can happen in jus 4 yrs!! I am me but not the me; I am me. 🙂

Gooyesh

My 1st attempt for getting a job was a success at my 20’s. I got the job at this institute I myself learned how to speak Eng; and started to work from this summer;

It was the 9th session of the first class that I understood nope! This isnt it. Before going there I was extremely excited but back then it was disappointing.

“I was not willing to give a piece of me to anyone.”

That was my problem.

Soon, my brain set things up to call it off and when it does it, my consciousness can really do nothing; it will do what it’s gonna do. so after the second semester it was splendid. I can’t say I was happy but I was sure my mind makes the right calls at the right times and whn I’m ready, I’ll be back on the track!

I searched through me and I found it; I was not going to give a piece of me to anyone. I simply was thinking “this” isn’t worth my energy; and there were things going on back there to prove it.

So obvious; if u don’t do what you, whole and each cell of u, involves in that then, u’ll lose the most precious and imp person in the world; You.

I still think about it sometimes; pros and cons exist in everything and I tried to find ’em but then I end up the same question; what is the thing that I love the most in this world? What is it that I do and don’t ever get tired Of bcos it is the love of my life?

Prof Samii says “If u r doing what u love, u’ll never get tired.”

I was happy that I knew where I’m going and what’s next; but now I feel in the middle of nowhere. I knew what I was good at but I ignored it and started to learn other skills and train other parts of my brain; as I said pros n cons! But at the end of the day it’s our brains deciding which one beats the other 1.

The good thing is I never get tired of going and trying; I love me and I know we r all we got (or is that true?!)

I mean look at Darwin; would he change the whole thing, the future of human beings forever if he was doing the medicine or the religious thing? No! No! No.

Ah! so sad; this me Darwin is so confused! 😑😝

👂👀👃…☝️ I will find a solution.